A Fellow Outcast

In a generation full of judgement, I aspire to love myself. What do I see when I look at this picture? Tiny eyes and a nose I'm not quite sure if I like or not. I see the remains of dead pimples and a face unsure of what to do with itself. But that's just my training. It's this knee jerk reaction inside. Tearing myself down is what society taught me. I don't fit the mold and so I do not fit. Beauty is square and I'm not even a shape. I'm a voluminous mass of thoughts. I am emotions made animate and bravery photographered. Here is me embracing flaws that aren't necessarily flaws. Here is me standing in front of a camera and saying "go ahead, I love me." And now, this is me sharing that with all of you. Try it out for yourself. It's freeing. I promise. Take a picture, recognize what you're trained to criticize and throw it out the window. You are beautiful as is. 

I am the by the books type of girl. Model daughter. Model student. Model freakin employee. I even do the whole tortured artist thing by the goddamn book. Until I didn't. Until my wires crossed and everything went to shit. Because I initiated change I didn't want. I got scared, brave and stupid all at the same time. I fell in love. No, that's wrong, I dove headfirst. I became the romantic I made sarcastic comments about. I packed my bags, labeled my boxes and said hello to Colorado. Well, almost. I've got a week to change a mind that won't have any changing. It's decided it did enough of that. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm absolutely, completely, without a doubt terrified this is the stupidest thing I will ever do. I'm so afraid that this heart I try so damn hard to deny I have will end up broken beyond repair. But I'm doing it anyway.  Here's the thing: stagnancy is just as terrifying. Living a life out of fear has got t

"It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure." -Ernie Harwell As the clock ticks down to the day I leave the only home I've ever known, I find myself hiding from all emotions. If I let one in, then everything comes in. And so much of it is sad. Goodbyes are sad and terribly inconvient. But new adventures are not. If I can remember that, if I can live these days by this quote then I think I'll be okay. I'll be brave enough to fly.