Here's the Thing

I am the by the books type of girl. Model daughter. Model student. Model freakin employee. I even do the whole tortured artist thing by the goddamn book. Until I didn't. Until my wires crossed and everything went to shit. Because I initiated change I didn't want. I got scared, brave and stupid all at the same time. I fell in love. No, that's wrong, I dove headfirst. I became the romantic I made sarcastic comments about. I packed my bags, labeled my boxes and said hello to Colorado. Well, almost. I've got a week to change a mind that won't have any changing. It's decided it did enough of that. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm absolutely, completely, without a doubt terrified this is the stupidest thing I will ever do. I'm so afraid that this heart I try so damn hard to deny I have will end up broken beyond repair. But I'm doing it anyway. 

Here's the thing: stagnancy is just as terrifying. Living a life out of fear has got to be the scariest thing out there. I don't want comfortable. I don't want the known. Not always. I want the excitement of exploration. The sensuality of lands unexplored. At least to me. I want to be scared, brave, and positively stupid all at the same time. I want to take risks and reap any rewards I might get in return. But more than anything, I want to believe that it will work out. That these books I can't put down haven't been lying. Sometimes love is enough. Sometimes, just maybe, if you take the chance you'll find a better you on the other side of change. 

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